The Somewhat Serious Discussion Thread

GreatWhiteNorth said:
Well, I think it’s horrifying. If those men were so worried about whether this man was a suspect in the burglaries, they should have called the police. I don’t buy that at all.

I don’t know if Arbery was out for a run or if he was involved in the burglaries or not. It doesn’t matter to me. Neither justifies the response in the video.
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Yes sir. There is no justification for that. It’s alarming that they haven’t been charged with ANYTHING. You can’t with the vigilante horse shit. Even if he was guilty of any crime, as you said you call the local law enforcement agency. Its an extremely dangerous precedent.
 
They’re hiding behind “citizens arrest.” I think we need some more legal clarification on what is allowable and under what circumstances for a true citizens arrest. 99.9% of the time, citizens need to stay out of it.

Even if the shooting itself was justified here, the two white men created the situation that caused the shooting. It’s unacceptable.
 
Even if he is guilty of doing local robberies, it’s completely absurd these guys went looking for him and brought their guns. You don’t shoot someone on in the street in broad daylight and shoot someone over local robberies. If the suspect white they wouldn’t even have called the police because that would be “none of their business”

And the fact they’re still free is ridiculous.
 
ScHoolboy Z said:
Even if he is guilty of doing local robberies, it’s completely absurd these guys went looking for him and brought their guns. You don’t shoot someone on in the street in broad daylight and shoot someone over local robberies. If the suspect white they wouldn’t even have called the police because that would be “none of their business”

And the fact they’re still free is ridiculous.
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To me it’s murder, but at the very least they should’ve instantly been charged with manslaughter
 
Guys, I can’t say where, but a guy I am semi-close with has just been emitted to the hospital, and the doctor is about 90% sure it is an exposure to anthrax. @GreatWhiteNorth have you heard of it coming back to the states?
 
So I know this thread hasn’t been bumped for a long time and I haven’t even checked in on this site for a while but I remembered this thread randomly and figured I’d throw out a line.

Way too long to try and explain the whole thing but wife’s grandmother passed somewhat unexpectedly a couple months ago and it has brought up/out almost every skeleton from divorces not only involving my wife’s parents but their siblings as well.

Trying to be generous to my wife bc I don’t understand what it’s like but I’m bearing the brunt of it after too much wine on a fairly regular basis. I love her more than anything and our boys too but I need some help. I know she is hurting big time about her grandmother (they were very close) but getting shit on every time she drinks two more glasses of wine than she should have is getting difficult

After all that there was no actual question so I realize I’m just venting to the internet.
 
NochNoch said:
So I know this thread hasn’t been bumped for a long time and I haven’t even checked in on this site for a while but I remembered this thread randomly and figured I’d throw out a line.

Way too long to try and explain the whole thing but wife’s grandmother passed somewhat unexpectedly a couple months ago and it has brought up/out almost every skeleton from divorces not only involving my wife’s parents but their siblings as well.

Trying to be generous to my wife bc I don’t understand what it’s like but I’m bearing the brunt of it after too much wine on a fairly regular basis. I love her more than anything and our boys too but I need some help. I know she is hurting big time about her grandmother (they were very close) but getting shit on every time she drinks two more glasses of wine than she should have is getting difficult

After all that there was no actual question so I realize I’m just venting to the internet.
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Brother, let me just say that I feel you all too well. I have endured family issues with my wife, her parents, and my parents since we started dating almost 25 years ago when she was 17. The shit is rooted so deeply and there are so many layers that I’m honestly surprised we made it. I couldn’t begin to tell you how.

I don’t have any profound advice to offer. But I understand what you’re going through and you can vent on these ears any time you need to.
 
GreatWhiteNorth said:
Brother, let me just say that I feel you all too well. I have endured family issues with my wife, her parents, and my parents since we started dating almost 25 years ago when she was 17. The shit is rooted so deeply and there are so many layers that I’m honestly surprised we made it. I couldn’t begin to tell you how.

I don’t have any profound advice to offer. But I understand what you’re going through and you can vent on these ears any time you need to.
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Thank you brother, honestly just hearing/reading that reminds me that others go through things too.
 
NochNoch said:
So I know this thread hasn’t been bumped for a long time and I haven’t even checked in on this site for a while but I remembered this thread randomly and figured I’d throw out a line.

Way too long to try and explain the whole thing but wife’s grandmother passed somewhat unexpectedly a couple months ago and it has brought up/out almost every skeleton from divorces not only involving my wife’s parents but their siblings as well.

Trying to be generous to my wife bc I don’t understand what it’s like but I’m bearing the brunt of it after too much wine on a fairly regular basis. I love her more than anything and our boys too but I need some help. I know she is hurting big time about her grandmother (they were very close) but getting shit on every time she drinks two more glasses of wine than she should have is getting difficult

After all that there was no actual question so I realize I’m just venting to the internet.
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I’ve only been through this as a kid. And it’s insanely difficult as a kid. But it has carried over into our marriage but in the opposite way. My wife was divorced and my boy isn’t my biological son. I remember how terrible I felt as a kid: being torn to chose parents when I love them both, my father arguing with my step father all the time, my step father resenting my father and taking it out on my brother and I. So, when my wife and I got together, I made sure she knew how it made me feel as a child and to never let our boy feel that. I have an amazing relationship with my boy’s father. We take him out to do things together, he is part of my Bible study, and he’s become a great friend. I know this isn’t necessarily anything close to your situation, but the point I’m leading to is that she has to heal the hurt she felt when she was younger before it can get better. And it’s not easy. You can be there to support her through it, and I know you will because you’re a good man, but ultimately she has to make the decision to let those wounds surface (sober) and to let them heal. Whether through therapy, someone she looks up to, or even hashing it out with her parents. It took me some time to realize I needed to heal before I could realize the effect my wife’s past divorce may have on my boy. I’m not sure how you show her that, but that’s what it seems like needs to happen. I hope I didn’t overstep. I am gonna lift that up in prayer right now and I hope it gets better soon! I’m sorry you’re on the brunt end of it Noch. I wish I had better advice for you on how to navigate that situation but I’ve never been in that exact situation.
 
wU-Tang Vol said:
Whether through therapy, someone she looks up to, or even hashing it out with her parents. It took me some time to realize I needed to heal before I could realize the effect my wife’s past divorce may have on my boy. I’m not sure how you show her that, but that’s what it seems like needs to happen. I hope I didn’t overstep. I am gonna lift that up in prayer right now and I hope it gets better soon! I’m sorry you’re on the brunt end of it Noch. I wish I had better advice for you on how to navigate that situation but I’ve never been in that exact situation.
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I've been suggesting that might be best for her (and by default, us) and have gotten some recent receptivity to the idea after her previously being dismissive of it so I'm hopeful on that front. And please know there is no need to apologize for any lack of advice, it's not exactly a situation most people have probably ever encountered and know that any words are greatly appreciated. As I said in my post, mainly I just needed a place to vent.
 
NochNoch said:
I've been suggesting that might be best for her (and by default, us) and have gotten some recent receptivity to the idea after her previously being dismissive of it so I'm hopeful on that front. And please know there is no need to apologize for any lack of advice, it's not exactly a situation most people have probably ever encountered and know that any words are greatly appreciated. As I said in my post, mainly I just needed a place to vent.
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My wife and I started going to therapy earlier this year, more so to be proactive to some issues we were having (my family was/has been a trigger for us) and it's been life changing man. I look forward to our sessions and our home life has consistently been the best it's ever been for months.

Obviously, your situation is more deeply rooted, but I can't recommend therapy enough. A mediator is so, so important when having the tough conversations.
 
LotteryPick said:
My wife and I started going to therapy earlier this year, more so to be proactive to some issues we were having (my family was/has been a trigger for us) and it's been life changing man. I look forward to our sessions and our home life has consistently been the best it's ever been for months.

Obviously, your situation is more deeply rooted, but I can't recommend therapy enough. A mediator is so, so important when having the tough conversations.
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That’s awesome LP, good for you guys. I was focusing on her going but you might be right, going together could be the best option for us.
 
NochNoch said:
That’s awesome LP, good for you guys. I was focusing on her going but you might be right, going together could be the best option for us.
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Approaching it as "going together" might be the most direct way to show that you are still her teammate, best friend, etc. in all of this. And show that you're loving her with that suggestion, not just writing her off with a "last resort, throw your hands up" solution even if it feels that painful and demoralizing for you day-to-day right now.

I say that partially from learning over the past couple of years that I sometimes process feedback (even just lightly critical, descriptive, ultimately supportive feedback) from my spouse as a major critique.
And even if it sounds elementary, hearing "i am your biggest fan, but I am just also the one who knows you best and will always push you to be better, and I'll help you carry it" and not just hearing a "critique" helps me.

Her parents divorced and it's top of mind for her sometimes. So, with us, she was trying to take proactive steps to address things. I pretty consistently perceived those "I've been thinking about us..." conversations with her as "Oh shit I'm not up to snuff, shit shit"... And would then walk on eggshells, not engage much on the topic, etc. Which would then leave her worried I was over it and worried we were headed for a split. Took (still takes) a lot of work for me to process things differently and for us to communicate about all of it.

I am sending you love and hugs and a place to vent (here or otherwise) any time you need it.
 
I could write a long post but ultimately don’t have anything meaningful to add other than marriage is hard.

thoughts with all you guys.
 
NochNoch said:
So I know this thread hasn’t been bumped for a long time and I haven’t even checked in on this site for a while but I remembered this thread randomly and figured I’d throw out a line.

Way too long to try and explain the whole thing but wife’s grandmother passed somewhat unexpectedly a couple months ago and it has brought up/out almost every skeleton from divorces not only involving my wife’s parents but their siblings as well.

Trying to be generous to my wife bc I don’t understand what it’s like but I’m bearing the brunt of it after too much wine on a fairly regular basis. I love her more than anything and our boys too but I need some help. I know she is hurting big time about her grandmother (they were very close) but getting shit on every time she drinks two more glasses of wine than she should have is getting difficult

After all that there was no actual question so I realize I’m just venting to the internet.
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Hey Noch, thought about you today and hope everything is going better and the holidays were good for you and your family
 
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